Whether you have a burning desire to vibe with the cosmos or you just think neon space graphics look cool, you have stumbled onto the official (and extremely serious) home page of CALVIN'S GATE.
Our Supreme Coordinator, Calvin, has received extremely reliable signals from the group chat beyond the stars. These messages clearly state that there is a spaceship cruising behind the next trendy comet and it has excellent snacks, unlimited bandwidth, and no loading screens.
For over 25 years (give or take several time loops), Calvin has been beta-testing cosmic lifestyles, optimizing alien emoji usage, and refining the sacred art of jewish manipulation. The result is this page: a portal for any earthling who wishes to upgrade from regular life to Ultra-Deluxe HD Galactic Membership.
If you're simply browsing, feel free to scroll, chuckle, and mock our glowing text. If you are feeling called to something greater (like matching jumpsuits and synchronized star-gazing), you may choose to symbolically “join” the crew by clicking the extremely advanced button below.
By clicking that button, you agree to absolutely giving your live away, because this is a cult that will change the world made for SERIOUS CULTISTS. No oaths, no weird contracts, and definitely no real-world obligations. Just communism,nazis,marxisim.
If you found this site because you were searching for actual spiritual guidance, space travel, or life-changing decisions: please talk to real, trusted humans in your life. This page is just for laughs.